Human Unworthiness before God Vs. Human Need of God
Ah my God, because of what I am and because of what you are, I am compelled to say, “Draw back from me, for I am a sinful man.” At the same time I must beg you, “Come, O Lord, do not delay, run like a doe,” because I cannot stay a moment without you. (OOCC,X, p. 277; STA, 565)
Reflecting on who he was, St. Vincent Pallotti felt his utter unworthiness before the presence of God, who was infinitely perfect. The more he contemplated his limitations and the greatness of God, the more he felt that he did not deserve to be related to God at all. He felt like asking the Lord to depart from him for he was a sinful man. While he was overwhelmed by these sentiments, he felt within himself a deep yearning for God for he could never think of living without God. Thus, St. Vincent felt within himself his need as a human being to belong to God on the one hand and his unworthiness to belong to God because of his sinfulness on the other. Hence, a tension between his unworthiness before God and his need for God marked the spiritual life of St. Vincent Pallotti. Because of this tension, he constantly worked to make himself a worthy person before God. In his efforts to grow in the grace and love of God he was never alone, for he knew that God was constantly with him. Thus, the tension between his unworthiness before God and his need for God helped him to make steady progress in his spiritual journey, combining the grace of God and his efforts beautifully together.
Do I recognize God’s greatness and perfection? Do I acknowledge my unworthiness before God? Do I make constant efforts to make myself worthy of God? Do I depend on God in order to grow in my spiritual life?
To you, O Lord, I call; my rock, do not refuse to hear me, for if you are silent to me, I shall be like those who go down to the Pit. (Ps. 28:1)