Who is God? Who am I before Him?
Ah My God, for me to know who am I before you, it would be necessary for me to know and comprehend your infinite perfection itself and … at the same time the malice of sin, because it offends you who are infinitely perfect. (OOCC, X, p. 469; STA, 556)
The fundamental question St. Vincent asked himself at the outset of his spiritual journey was: “Who is God? Who am I before him?” It was clear to the mind of St. Vincent that before he could ever describe who he was, he needed to know who God was. For he could understand his true nature only in relation to the nature of God. For St. Vincent God, though infinite in his perfection, was infinite love and mercy. He was always there with open arms to receive him. Placing himself before God, St. Vincent experienced himself as a sinful and limited person, so distant from God’s infinite perfection. But though distant from God because of his sinful nature, he was very close to God because God’s infinitely merciful love was ready to accept him in his sinfulness and unworthiness and raise him to the nature of God himself. Thus, it was the nature of God to which he was so closely related that gave him dignity and worth as a human person. St. Vincent realized that despite malice of sin which was part of his nature as a human person, fundamentally he was an image of God who was infinitely perfect. This realization made St. Vincent a constant warrior who fought against sin and all forms of evil in order to maintain the image of God within him in its pristine purity.
Who is God for me? Who am I before him? Do I see my human nature intertwined with God’s being? Do I recognize my dignity as God’s image despite my sinfulness? Am I a warrior, who fights against sin and evil to maintain the image of God in me?
For who is God except the Lord? Who is a rock save our God? The God who girded me with strength and kept my way unerring … Who trains my hand for war till my arms could bend a bow of brass. (2 Sam. 22: 32-35)